I started wearing a piece of tape with the number of days hostages have been held in Gaza on Day 100. On that day, there was a push for people to follow Rachel Goldberg-Polin's example and by doing it all together we hoped to make an even bigger statement. It felt like a small but important act of solidarity with those suffering - the hostages and their immediate families. Then it was day 101 and I did it again and again for the next week. I went on a solidarity mission to Israel, landing in Israel on Day 108 and my tape and sharpie came with me. How could I stop marking the days when I was in the place of these atrocities? While in Israel, I heard that Rachel Goldberg-Polin commented that seeing other people wearing the tape took a tiny bit of the burden from her heart. I don't know if she really said it, but if there was even a chance it helped her or others, I couldn't stop.
At one point early on in my counting (after a Shabbat when I don't wear the number) I realized that I miscounted and I went to the internet to confirm the right number. I typed into Google "how many days have hostages been held." I didn't even think to clarify since these hostages taken on October 7th were the only ones on my mind, but google's first response was about the American hostages held in Iran. The answer - 444 days (from November 4, 1979 to January 20, 1981)
The number of days took my breath away - well over a year of being held. Over 300 more days than the day I was counting at the time. The number of days said to be the longest hostage crisis in modern history.
We can't possibly get to that number, I thought. And here we are. About to surpass it.
When will we be able to bring the hostages home from Gaza? When might some international body check on their status? (For the record, the international red cross was able to check on every one of the American hostages in April 1980, about 5 months after being held. NO ONE has been allowed to check on the hostages held in Gaza.)
I know these questions have no answer. I wish more people were asking them. And I will keep wearing this tape with the ever increasing number. Holding even this little bit of the burden is so heavy, I pray to the depth of my soul that we will soon be able to stop counting.
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